I was on a call today with someone who has known me since the early days of my fitness career and she was talking about how different I am now from when she first knew me.
I was obsessed with going to classes and the gym, I used to teach indoor cycling (spin), and I would try to teach and participate in as many classes I could in a week, I was teaching around 25hours of exercise a week, plus going to classes and the gym for fun.
I would feel distressed if I missed a session, and was very frustrated when uni classes meant I had to get someone to cover my classes.
I also partied hard… I was in The Arches most weekends, there was always beer in the fridge, an opportunity pop into the pub for a few was never missed.
In 2014 I had a moment in Ibiza, some refer to it as an awakening, it was a deep realisation that my behaviours were not making me happy. I was sitting watching the sun rise on Bora Bora beach in Ibiza stone cold sober and I felt joy in my heart, pure joy watching that sunrise over the horizon.
I realised there and then that this was the feeling I was looking for, not the buzz from outside activities. They never brought me joy, they just numbed the pain I was in.
In that moment I decided the sober life was for me. There were many aspects of my life I had to give up and make changes…
That was one part of a restart and reset. The only times I question that decision is when life gets difficult, and I want to numb that pain – but I know it won’t work, and now with my health conditions there would be more severe pain and much more complicated outcomes.
The healing journey isn’t just about the food, exercise, sleep and rest – while they are all important… It’s the things that light you up and create space inside for healing.
Now I look for the places I can find that joy, it’s in the small things, it’s in the big things, it’s even sometimes in the pain.
It’s the things that make me feel like me…
What makes you feel like you?
